Parenting is complicated and though it is one of the biggest jobs around, there is no class that can prepare you for all the challenges it brings . When your child hurts you, it shows us where our emotional vulnerabilities lie and it brings up how humble we have to be. Parenting shows us just how human we are and if we can find a way to relax into the experience, we can love more deeply and be better to our children.
With children, it is hard because you want them to be successful, but you have to let them learn their way. If you solve their problems for them, they don’t get to have the experience of problem solving and feeling that they are competent. You have to let them make their mistakes and be there for them when they fall. You have to make effort at learning about what your child is passionate about. How do you communicate from a place of empathy rather than asserting control over your child? How do we communicate with children so they feel supported? By communicating directly and using “I” statements help you to engage more with your child and it enables you to have a healthier relationship.
I work with parents to manage their expectations about parenting. It is okay to be a “good enough” parent and accept that you will make mistakes along the way. Instead of focusing on the mistakes, it is more important to see what you are able to learn through the experience. You also need to understand your triggers and work through your issues with your own parents so that you are more aware of what is difficult for you. Many times, what is lacking is that you have not figured out how to make yourself more fulfilled. When you are more connected to your needs, you will be more available to your family.
